Well, it’s not as bad as you think. Both Newt and Mitt have tools, they’re licensed, and can provide references.

Some conservatives are apocalyptic at the thought of Newt Gingrich capturing the nomination. He shleps loads of personal baggage, a history of questionable business situations, undisciplined rhetoric, and a certain intellectual smugness that can be, shall we say, “misinterpreted.”

Maybe you are bemoaning the prospect of Mitt Romney carrying the torch. He’s the, “consultant’s consultant,” a serial flip flopper, the establishment pick, Mr. Mormon Milquetoast, midwife to Obamacare, and perhaps the first fully-programmed hologram to fool us all.

While hosting my radio show, I hear the squawking and howling regularly. “We want someone fresh! Ideologically pure, with no history. The perfect warrior to send to D.C. to dismantle evil government.”

No, no you don’t. Good in theory, catastrophically bad in practice.

Get over it! Newt and Mitt will be, in the end, your choices. The good news is they’re both truly skilled professionals. Been there, done that, they have the tee-shirts, and the less-than-perfectly-pure records to prove it.

Here’s the other thing you need to understand — political experience and professionalism are positive attributes to most of America, especially to moderates and independents, who, by the way, are the folks who elect presidents.

Make no mistake — no matter how trite or unappealing you may find this, mushy, moderate middle America’s criteria for supporting a presidential hopeful will center on someone who conveys that they’re a professional and are ready for the job. We don’t hire huskers or reality TV stars for this gig.

Contrary to the, “throw all the bums out,” mentality, America’s has been historically drawn to candidates who have accrued some governmental experience of a significant level. Turning to someone who can work — and embrace — this most unwieldy system. Realizing that this imperfect representative republic isn’t going away anytime soon, we figure that our president better know his way around town. Governing isn’t easy. Remember this: Those crafty, “Eastern elites,” devised a system that was intentionally rigged to be insanely frustrating. Monotonous and detailed, the work itself tends to weed out the lazy and easily distracted. Those who screech and punch themselves out, wind up sucking wind and becoming marginalized before the real debate begins. We look repeatedly for someone who has genuinely completed the ponderous drudgery necessary to accomplish goals above and beyond bluster and anger. We admire those who have chaired meetings, exhibited feigned interest while the dummies drone on, and then, built a coalition and passed a bill. Also, as a bonus, maybe, just maybe, they have successfully balanced a budget from time to time.

There is, of course, much more than pure professionalism and experience to consider: Independent voters will pull the lever for someone who, they feel, can handle the extreme stress of the job and present a coherent message and vision for the future. We‘ll reward a president who will spend our blood and treasure judiciously while protecting America’s vital interests.

The great news for conservatives is that both Newt and Mitt fit the bill. They’re pros and are prepared for the job. We could do far worse. Now, you decide.

We’ve seen Tebow’s amazing run of late game heroics this year. America loves a winner, and we love an exciting finish, too. However, I’ve heard gamblers find Mr. Tebow quite frustrating, considering how he waits until the fourth quarter before calling for help from the big guy. Lowlife, degenerate friends of mine mention those, “miraculous, heavenly, come-from-behind,” victories do cause extraordinary tension in an already nerve-racking business. Tough luck for them. The real sin is being dull, and Tim Tebow isn’t.

Some find his very public displays of his faith unnerving. “Overwrought and over the top,” they whine. Complaints have poured in from predictable sources, but also from current and former NFL stars, as well. Tebow’s religious personal story is a compelling one, and he’s not shy about making it part of football. So why do most talking heads find it so uncomfortable to deviate from the standard football fare? Some players are grumbling, too. Violent millionaire psychopaths generating huge illegal gambling dollars can’t handle a little religiosity?

Does observing Tebow’s faith steal away our concentration from critical matters, like another mundane replay? The dichotomy of an apparently talented, reverent, clean cut and respectful player in 2011 is just too much? We accept thuggish, taunting behavior and showboating without question, but a sideline prayer makes America squeamish.

Admit it — our obsession with football is really just a welcome distraction from cable news, anyway. “Look there, Eb … Another game beginning! Grab me a beer and some of them chips … <burp>.” Truth is, we can’t process introspection on Sunday, especially after skipping church. Again.

As long as Tebow’s choices aren’t against team or league rules, then it’s entirely his business. Pray away, Tim. Can’t hurt. Who knows? Maybe his public demonstrations of faith will be a positive influence on America. We could use more.

I know Tim Tebow has already inspired at least one somewhat cynical agnostic.

However, I suspect our former governor is going to find that the backstage amenities at Club Fed’s “Heartbreak Hotel” dinner theater surprisingly harsh. Thankfully, this macabre political rock opera, so out of time and out of tune, has finally run it’s course. Relief to all. Over sung and overwrought.

We get the politicians we elect, and Blago is receiving what he deserves, too. Everybody’s to blame.  We’re national laughingstocks for electing that goof twice,  and Blago pays with 14 prime years. The sentence is appropriate. The fact that he’s a good father with an entertaining demeanor is irrelevant. We demand, and rightfully expect, more from our elected officials when entrusted with the keys to the kingdom.  Those who can’t keep their greasy paws from grabbing at the our civic “family jewels” eventually get their fingers broken.  The additional fact that his goofy criminal incompetence and loose lips never resulted in a bag full of personal cash is also irrelevant.  A more skilled criminal would have got away with it.  Many have, many are, and many will. Blago tried, and he failed because of hubris and stupidity. He couldn’t close the deal, but it cost us.  Now that dopey arrogance will cost him.

Will this be a deterrent to the next narcissistic governor goofball? The answer’s in the question.  Not likely.

However, there’s is a silver lining to this dark cloud of civic corruption and personal tragedy.  When Blago inevitably forms the Elvis Tribute Band to keep himself busy, he’ll need a solid show that will appeal to his audience.  I humbly suggest this set list:

Fanfare To A Common Man

Heartbreak Hotel

I Got Stung

Are You Lonesome Tonight

What’d I Say?

A Little Less Conversation

T.R.O.U.B.L.E

My Way

Jailhouse Rock

With Blago’s famous ability to offer up extemporaneous salty dialogue in between songs, the show should run about an hour. When Blago exits the stage and the crowd’s going wild, an older, heavier man dressed in prison blues will make his way to the mic. The convicts will then hear George Ryan drone, “Blago has left the building … but don’t worry, he’s booked here for an extended engagement … we all are.”

It might have been the single most narcissistic, goofy, idiotic, rambling address I’ve ever heard, delivered by a supposedly serious, even somewhat experienced politician and/or public speaker. What a joke! What a waste of time. The second he mentioned the word “suspend” all the major news coverage yawned and moved on and for good reason.

I understand his reasoning for delivering that stinky truckload of dreck. National embarrassment and desperation are exceedingly effective motivational factors. What amazes me is that some supposedly intelligent and astute folks still buy it.

It’s one thing to support an untested, fresh face — that’s how we develop new talent and ideas. There’s been a long history in American politics of citizen patriots who have, “come out of the woodwork,” to affect change and contribute to great historical trends. However, it’s entirely different to stand behind someone who has exponentially compounded their own trouble because of arrogance and pandering to the worst elements of populism.

Why do we endure all this B.S.? Is it because we too are embarrassed? Embarrassed we’ve fallen prey once again to our worst traits? Embarrassed as a country, as an electorate? Why don’t we do our homework?

Maybe it’s time to realize that we’ve been taken in, time after time, by smooth talkers and the simple ten-second sarcastic rhetoric they love to dish? Let’s stop applauding simpleton solutions that are predictably-crafted to blame either phantom boogiemen or the opposing party. Our mostly irrational hatred of Washington and the supposed “evil” government at any level clouds our judgement and logic. It has become normal to search for the outsider, with no experience, never tainted by real life politics, even at the local or state level. The savior. Ideologically pure and true of heart. And the paramount qualification is that they have NO governmental experience. Really? That’s admirable? Really? That’s the primary criteria? Would you hire an accountant, physician, architect, or even a babysitter based on their LACK or experience?

Now that the 9-9-9 bus tour has parked itself at the marriage counselor’s rest stop, we can get serious. Stop looking for the next unknown and unqualified reality TV star and go to the rather deep American bench of potential starters. There are thousands of citizens who have actually done the homework, sat on the local committees and boards, run for state office and have a record.

Be forewarned: They’re not going to be perfect. Those who have to govern … have to cut deals … have to compromise. They have to accomplish more than just pandering to rabid supporters with a fire and brimstone stump speech. The good news is that they generally have been looked at, scrutinized, graded, vetted and voted on.

I can think of a former governor and Speaker of the House that fit my criteria. Maybe your’s too?

Alan was born in 1937 in Wichita, Kansas. In 1955 Alan joined the Army after which he enrolled at The Berklee School of Music in Boston.

In 1969, he joined Bill Chase’s new band, which was still in rehearsal. The band toured the Midwest extensively until the first album produced a hit in April of 1971. Alan left the band as a regular in 1973. Alan played gigs in Las Vegas until 1981 when he was elected

Business Gent for the Musicians Union of Las Vegas, Local 369. He was elected secretary/treasurer two years later and held that office until 1991. Alan worked for a major car rental corporation in various departments until retirement in April of 2007.

The interview runs in three parts below:

Some say it was “curious”, some say “bizarre” and “unusually expressive,” but there’s no doubting that this has become the latest questionable moment in an already goofy campaign. In exhorting the audience to “live free or die” and “bring it,” Perry seemed to be a bit more free-form and carefree than expected. Now, where have I heard the “bring it” phrase before? Oh yes, Charlie Sheen — just the comparison the Governor doesn’t need.

Was he drunk? Who cares? The question is not whether or not Rick Perry had a couple of drinks before giving his speech. The question is whether or not that would disqualify him from being a candidate? The answer is no. If this was a regular occurrence and an ongoing battle then it would be a factor in his ability to be Commander in Chief. If he was under the influence — and there’s NO proof that he was — and then became a raving lunatic on that dais, it would quickly end his chances. But to my eyes and ears the event was an unexpected detour from the monotony of 10-second sound bites and a warm Texas ray of genuineness in cold New Hampshire. And by the way, this wasn’t a “Howard Dean moment” and he’s not going back to the farm … or, for that matter, the hunting grounds.

So what if the crowd showed up expecting to meet Dash Riprock and was treated to an impromptu set by Foster Brooks? American politics needs more humanity not less.

Watch excerpts from Gov. Perry’s speech below:

This week our Justice Department argued the images of Osama Bin Laden— post -raid — are classified and are being withheld from the public to avoid inciting violence against Americans. The Associated Press and Judicial Watch are seeking the release of those images as part of a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit.

America should always demand to see and document what is being done on our behalf. Military operations should be a matter of public record and debate, as long as we do not comprise our future operations, our technology, or the identities of our servicemen. The obvious advantages of transparency must always remain paramount. The very people that attacked us and that we continue to battle would relish the prohibition of pictures and the censoring of our free press. That’s a victory in their world.

As far as these images inciting violence against Americans and offending the rest of the world, I contend that only our continued resolve to vigorously defend ourselves will have a lasting impact. History is history and should never be sanitized for the possible payoff of peace. Trading freedom just to placate various cultures and religious sensibilities is folly. I’m sure those who want to do us harm aren’t going to be any less fanatic because of our self censorship. America needs to remain an example freedom, truth and openness.

Publish the pictures, we can handle it. If the rest of the world is offended, that’s their problem.

Do death row inmates have an inherent right to a last meal request? I don’t think so, and I’m guessing you don’t either.

The state of Texas has said “enough is enough”, no more last meal requests for condemned prisoners. The murderer who was executed on Wednesday asked for two chicken fried steaks, a triple meat bacon cheeseburger, fried okra, a pound of BBQ, three fajitas, a meat lover’s pizza, a pint of ice cream and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts, none of which this man touched. So effective immediately, no more “last meal” accommodations will be made in Texas.

Some are describing this as cruel and unusual, but I call it deliciously sweet justice. I know for a fact the murderer’s victim never got a “last meal” request.

On a lighter note, I do encourage you to listen to a song entitled “Last Meal” by the band Asleep at the Wheel. Perhaps the tune was popular in Texas prisons.