Leave the Fireworks to the Sober and the Professionals
Let me say for the record, I’m as PATRIOTIC as the next guy, maybe more so because I have an educated understanding of history and am better read than most. That being said, I can’t understand how setting off backyard fireworks for five solid days, until all hours of the night, pays tribute to our Declaration of Independence.
I spend a little time in a certain neighborhood in Lake Bluff where one household in particular considers it their “Constitutional right” and “civic duty” to act like drunken morons. Beginning last Thursday night, and all the way through our federally mandated Monday holiday, these pyrotechnically-challenged yahoos start each day nice and early with a volley, guaranteed to wake every infant and turn every dog incontinent. Boom, bang, splat…”Yea America”! This nonsense disguised as celebration continues throughout the day and well into the evening, fueled by kegs of beer and horrifically overplayed music turned up to 11. By the way, can we please give Bruce Springsteen and Lee Greenwood an honorable discharge from July 4th duty? You should know that the party is conducted in the middle of the public street and those who violate the sanctity of these “patriots” and use of the roads are considered terrorists.
I talked to a couple of cops about the lack of enforcement of the disturbing the peace and littering aspects, not to mention the illegal fireworks themselves. They looked at me the same way they ignore the ranting of the LaRouche supporters who park themselves outside the post office most of the summer. Really, I’m out of line? I can’t get a good night’s rest, the dog has destroyed every carpet, and I’m overreacting? The cops and others I talked to told me, “it happens every year, ignore it, buy some earplugs, and kennel the dog … oh … and stop being anti-American.” Huh?
Believe me, John Hancock himself would be leading the mob to toss these dumbasses into the lake. Where’s the Tea Party when you need them? Plus I guarantee every single one of those imbeciles couldn’t even tell us what the 4th of July even signifies. To them Washington, Jefferson and Monroe play in the NBA and Sam Adams is an overpriced elitist beer.
I’m calling for a mandatory civics test in order to buy any fireworks. You have to understand what we’re supposed to be celebrating to celebrate. I’m open to suggestions as to what questions should be on that test. Also, if you have more than two tattoos … sorry, you’re out. No bottle rockets for you! Explosions allowed from 6-7pm only … okay, 6:30-8pm, July 4th only.
How is it that we all overlook buffoonish, boorish, unreasonable, rude, uncivil and dangerous behavior under the guise of patriotism? By the way — just between you and me — late one night as they were setting up their next salvo in the middle of the street I drove right through the launch pad … scattering their efforts at least once. I smiled a little to myself as they hurled what was left along with many profanities towards my back bumper. I knew they were too drunk to read my license number. Yea America!
